There came such a storm into my tiny heart I waited by the screen door for my mum to return from the store as a late summer wind was gathering strength I was but five but I knew what a strong storm warning meant. Grand Mary came up behind placing her hand on my shoulders ,"Bonnie girl, don't take tomorrow and worry it away " I nodded, she was right, I should finish the dishes and make tea. My hand touched the screen door as if I could will my dearest mother home. I ran the trails of our farm land and there I found a tiny robin bird away from his nest, I knew he would soon die, as his mother would not accept a smell not her own. People are so the same way although they deny this, I pulled away from the screen door, chores to do and my mum a brave one if ever there was one.
Do comb your hair:
I stood standing on a high chair washing the dishes when Grand Mary danced through with her afternoon ale singing songs in Gaelic, she laughed often and placed kisses on my face, " oh do smile BonnieLynn Margaret " I nodded, my yes to my new second mum. My Grand Margaret sat stoned face and large as she looked at her Irish mother in disgust, I often thought if only she would laugh? Grand Mary touched my red hair of curls, " our history is not lost in your girl, get a trade cause the Lord did not grace you like your beautiful sisters", I nodded again my response thinking of my mum out in the storm. Do not peril dears the holders of my heart as I shall pray to our Dear Lord, and he will scoop you up and save you, yes I read that in the Bible and I truly believed it.
Here put this in the the red bowed box:
My Grand Mary gave me a tiny red velvet box one Irish fall day , " here girl put all your sad thoughts in this and push it out to the sea " I looked up at her, as she picked me up dancing a place for sorrow girl put it there and say good bye to it", I laughed and placed my hand over my mouth to hide my much too big teeth. I heard Uncle Bill, " Mary Margaret put that child down and let her finish her worries", they both laughed hugging kissing openly in the kitchen like fresh lovers. Her daughter Margaret scowled , and raised her tea cup towards the air.
The day of the grocery store spider :
Grand Mary had come busting through the front door , " Jesus love the day the wind is horrid and there went my hair style ", as Uncle Bill followed behind laughing, he was shy around my family but when he shined he was charming. I jumped down to organize the groceries, all the treats to be placed up on high and rightfully earned. I heard a scream as Grand Mary ran from the kitchen, " oh Bill the devil followed us home it is a giant spider spent on killing your true love, and dearest that is me", I heard Uncle Bill scream too. Apparently they had brought home a banana spider huge with long legs and the ability to make grown ups run? Everyone ran around like some sort of war movie, I got out the paddle my mum threatened to but never did use on my Bonnie lass ass, and splat went the huge spider, as I walked away I thought, " I am the kid right?", and finished vacuuming the carpets.
Push it away girl:
I lay awake at night listening to the ocean moan as it woke me, the push against the tall cliffs, I thought that is how pirates died.
Tears burn but leave not a stain :
In my mind I hold the red velvet box given long ago to place my worries in and send out to the Irish sea. I am alone, in a place where grief stands at the door like a lying thief, take from me no more and find another on this long night .
So are the thoughts of the left behind.
In my dream I am dressed in a cream colored dress with no shoes and I open the box to place all that crossed my heart in the journey of my life.
My life list:
My father's lies. Poverty. Cheap shoes. Hunger. Fear. Foster Care. My late husbands lies. My mother's death. Florida. Dreams of a foolish child. Friends.
I wrap the red satin bow tight and stand by the waters edge my toes curling in from the cold of water . I push the box out to sea ....
I am seven.
I see my mum walking down the dirt road as the storm gathers strength, carrying groceries for her children, and my heart burst with a child's love as I push open the screen door.
I run to greet her and take the packages from her arms, my skin matches her color brown, as I hug her safety in my arms. She is all I know of this love town, she smiles, " Bonnie girl, the Lord will never let you down", I nod pulling her forward, away from the storm.