Six Pinnacles of Stupid : I am too bored from my indifference to write further on this topic
Then: He posts on Twitter that " I am going to kill myself" and no one but I respond after a long pause, but I did not want to respond but ethically I knew I had to He was exasperated by the simple truth that NO ONE but I had shown any care, after he chases after people that ONLY respond never seek him out how sad to think and then to know that he doesn't matter to the ones he desires and it doesn't matter to me that I do not matter to him so there it is and I watched it play out laughing as it completed the completion of the days when I give all with getting nothing I blocked him I don't care nor want to read what happens next in his pathetic life.
Secret not so secret suggestion of meeting at the Abby in Orlando I had just gotten the news and was flying out of Florida so I did not put any more thought into it Frankly I forgot. Does she really NOT know what her man is up to? Sad when a woman doesn't have any pride. And me? He cannot control me or influence me. What a pack of losers, I am out I do not know what is happening to that woman but every day she ages 20 years heavy jowls, sunken face old lady hands. When the camera is not on for her fake moments it is shocking to see just what a miserable witch she is I still remember him making fun of her when he returned from their honey moon, Better her than me. Karma has hit her hard as she becomes older uglier every day, I shudder
I woke pulling my eye lids open and thought for a moment," that's right you glued your dam eyes together with your new eyelash glue" and I panicked then stopped as I pulled my eyes open by shear force. I fell asleep with tears in my eyes and they hardened there, I sighed, " these bad sad feelings will surely make you dead ", as I pulled off the pink comforter shrugging into my lace robe, as usual my cat Sparky made a quick mad dash in front of my feet, I near fell to the ground.
Then there is coffee and some how it's all good again.
More is less so very often:
He wanted to be larger than life to impress everyone he believed was better than him but all I saw was the person. He didn’t see in himself what I saw ,he was so sure boasting was the way to win. I became lost in his need to be everything to everyone he stopped seeing me. It went from there.
The Poor Kids Grown:
Sometimes when poor kids grow up we become all that we thought we saw but didn’t have running after all the shiny things. If we are lucky the Lord will redirect us towards the true meaning inside of us. The Lord's promise we need to value that and hold on.
Once I was a little kid freezing in an ice storm tired to a tree as the storm raged as I prayed , “ Jesus when does my real life start cause this here life isn’t no life for a little kid”
This is my new start life I prayed for “ Diary of Jane”
I look as I should now that the healing has almost completed, and I giggle laughing at all the stupid stuff while eating candy on my break at lunch. I no longer throw or give away my stuff I guess this is what they call a New Start. Some things never change.
THE DARK WITCH : “The only control you have is the delusional belief that you have control." A priest molests over 50 children in duration of 20 years and the Catholic church kept quiet provided protection for those monsters. Yet people still go to the Golden Gowned nest of perversion to pray with the lying clowns. Forever faithful never questioning as innocent children are raped and set aside to be forgotten. These are not the Lord's chosen leaders they are the real evil pretending to be religious living in the richest city in the world Rome with gold wealth stashes and silken fabric to rub against their polluted crotches. They mock what Jesus stood for and people flock to the stench of Rome as shit trails fill their nostrils to pray to the modern Satan. We save ourselves we are ourselves we live where the werewolves dwell. Sleep, sleep the deeper so I can reach inside your R.E.M grey to comfort you Be encouraged these are the days of the dark witch who loves you
Guardian Angel protect me near and far spread your wings to protect all I love these days of weakness pride cast a large shadow against the Lord's light.
Lucid Dreaming: He whispers that I visited him in his sleep. He speaks transfixed alive, I have heard this from so many before, is this the Dark Witch?
KARMA FEASTS ON THE GUILTTY
Intentional Gains: Her desperation is almost palpable her sunken jawed face locked in she looks way beyond her years. Karma has a way of fixing all wrongs I sip my ginger green tea slipping off my new worn gym shoes, shaking my head in amazement as she looks like an ugly demon fitting her outside matches her inside matched matchie don't forget to tie your shoes. I am in between them I slide inside the bed sheets between them in the day and after dark I am inside her head as she believes what her drugs whisper to her. I am purring having done nothing wrong but I am inside their marriage locked inside and every memory they share will include me. As she grasps for anything to justify what she had done there is no escaping her own karma as it rots inside her. I am the innocent one harmed as her face sinks further in daily from her lies and years of drugs she looks like any other meth addict on the streets she acts insane maybe it's because I am there in between them daily. Karma warps her mind. Does she know he has never left my side?
And he is
You might have good thoughts about me and why not? I am great person but every memory I have of you is laced with the humiliation of knowing you played me and my struggle for a new life. How you behind the scenes lying about me . Blame yourself I remember all happy about new shoes telling my fake bestie millionaire. I never considered his money I thought he was my friend. I was humiliating myself didn’t know it, I didn’t understand the game here in LA . All the while he was laughing at me and my new 90.00 dollar shoes
THEN: Flashback Holiday Roundup
Remember when your crazy sister in law took you all around Hollywood trying to find anyone who would consider dating you? ha ha ha ha selling you like the burden you were and are NOW ? You are the joke of Hollywood known as " Dog Boy" the sell out. People took your weakness and made it media profitable because MY God why is she with you? I mean ? Laughter echoes at you ha ha ha ha Now you have to defend your pride on gossip sites cause you are just that pointless. You blame the people who post BUT never the spiders who put you there to be a FOOL You never questioned WHY? WHY you? Because any other REAL man would not have let anyone beg for a date for him NOR let some old has Hollywood humiliate him on social media, and smirk behind their back. SO how does it feel to get what YOU gave others? And when you are faced with the truth you hide, run, deny, but never ever look into the mirror of your own choices, and how you have been used by the very people you call "family" . I did not do this THEY did
Here and Now:
Never thought your other “ job” would be defending yourself on the gossip sites right? You don’t think they didn’t know that would happen after ALL the years they have been in Hollywood? And it’s my fault? ok stupid
advice from the dead
I went to Cassadaga and I brought back a friend I call him and Angel he’s been with me all my life Sometimes I get mad accused him of lying and treachery but I know that’s not true because everything that is told me as happens as he said it would, When I’m afraid I take it out on him he always loves me. I don’t ask to talk to others that’s not my place I just ask about what is to be an every day that can change based on the dynamics of life. He said I would be here in California that I would be happy and I am I wasn’t going to come but he said I would be safe he doesn’t lie to me he: protect me guides me inspires me loves me was there when I was in trouble as a child he was never once a human form he’s never once lied to me
Yes but wait a day :
The Spirit says that he’s a good man wants me to open up my heart to him again every time I ask the same answer and I know It will be the same He doesn’t know how to just love one he’s mean and crude limited in his baths. But I share something with him common background comfort. I sense in him part a of me that is wild carnal free I call him the Beast but he’s more gentle then I Spirit says to forgive him I had a reading with my husband and I asked all sorts of questions I asked about this one but he said he’s a “good one” . I asked my late husband if I should proceed. I question whether he liked being dead and he said “ yes “ I said that he’s been with everyone if you look at a picture of a woman he’s been there. I don’t trust because I know how he is my pride at times is hurt by the mere thought, has he changed I don’t think so and I don’t think he intends on it. I won’t survive another one of his childish games So I just move forward Spirit never lied to me and every question I’ve ever asked he has spoken the truth . It’s time I start living again. I worry about him I want to defend him like before: Yellow:
One day I was moving into my new apartment by the ocean I took out the last little bit out of my car I looked up into the night sky and I saw one brilliant star I took a picture of it I said, “ this is our star because we saw it together it will bring us strength “ yet he was miles away. he was my yellow When I was little I used to think that the trees could speak to me , I saw them is individuals a collective greenery family.
memories are sweet as candy coated thoughts pirate secret treasure some journeys are done bury those sweetness memories like a Pirates treasure chest enjoy them as we need to bury very deep in the sand . sail sail sail on brave Pirates Journey adventure awaits
Diary of Jane
The start of a new diary a new thought process the illness of the past over